The New Confessional
Patrick goes into the confessional box after a long lapse from going to church.
Inside he finds a fully equipped bar, Guinness on tap and a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey. On the wall is a dazzling array of cigars.
Then the priest comes in.
“Father, forgive me, for it’s been a long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.
The priest replies: “Get out, you moron, you’re on my side”.
The Highest Power
Carolyn Heap, another Sunday School teacher, said to her children, ‘We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?’
George blurted out, ‘I know, Aces.’
Something Missing – Missing Something?
Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn’t aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake
‘I’m sorry,’ I told the manager, ‘but there are no Christians here at St Mary’s Church.’
Amusing and Good Humoured Religious Jokes
Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, ‘You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.’
Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, ‘And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n’ roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.’
‘Thank you, Father Brian,’ answers the young priest. ‘I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.’
‘All of these ideas have been well and good,’ comments Father Brian wisely. But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.’
‘But, Father Brian,’ protests the young Father Karl, ‘My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!’
‘Indeed,’ replies the elderly priest, ‘And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell” cannot stay on the church roof.’
Short Stories With a Religious Theme
Darlene was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, ‘Grandpa, did God make you?’
‘Yes, darling,’ he answered, ‘God made me a long time ago.’
‘Oh,’ Darlene paused, ‘Grandpa, did God make me too?’
‘Yes, indeed, poppet,’ he said, ‘God made you just a little while ago.’
Feeling their respective faces again, Darlene observed, ‘God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?’